*drool

Today I saw the hottest. man. ever.
I was very innocently sitting at my desk looking up t-shirts, because that's the kind of important work my boss has me do in the mornings, and he walks in. If it wasn't for my puma-like reflexes, my mouth would have probably hung slack at this man's tall, built, blondie-ness. He turns to me and gives me that kind of eye contact that says, "Hey boo. Underneath those ill-fitting clothes I can tell you are stack of curves I would like to get to know. I am going to look past the box-like frumpy shape your uniform makes you and give you the official 'whats up?'". Oh wait, wha? You're also an Paramedic Hottie? My own personal Para-McDreamy? It was at that point I exploded.

Let me tell you why this is pathetic. (Something tells me you are making up your own reasons already - meaning you Mariana).The man was wearing full camo. He had a Nascar hat that was tore to pieces. He had just returned from hunting pigs on our Forest, that when they catch them - they slit their throats and turn them into sausage. He looked like he was probably a gun-toting, card carrying member of the Libertarian Party. What the hell is wrong with me? I swear, Republican men are like the Devil's candy.



ps. Nick still makes me absolutely crazy ga-ga stupid for him, so no worries. And if Para-McDreamy really got up in my hottness, I would have to politely say, "No. I got something twenty times better in Texas." Cuz I get my sexy Army Ranger, gun-shooting, short-hair, Manly-like-a-real-man boyfriend who also votes Democratic and is willing to watch Twilight with me :-)

Well, have you?

Have you ever had dozens of ladybugs fornicating on you while you try to do your job?

Oh the joys of being a Forester...

My life is too many pieces

So normally I dont really write in my blog that much because my life is pretty boring. I go to work, I come home, shower, eat, talk to Nick, watch TV, repeat. It's so boring in fact when I was asked recently, "So what are you're hobbies? What do you like to do in your spare time?" I. had. no. answer. Sigh, pathetic.
Anyway, but there reason I haven't written recently is actually because I have too much stuff going on. I can't think of a way to condense it into cute little stories. So fuck it. Here it is in disjointed thoughts. I will at least put them in chronological order.
1. Monday - Nick left after spending 6 days here. It's a hard thing for me because the time we're together is such a small fraction of our total time together, but it's the only time I feel normal. When he's here life feels sparkly and fun.
Most of all though is he makes me feel normal. Wanna be violent and punch REALLY hard for slug bugs? Go ahead and hit me. Wanna make funny noises for no apparent reason? Aaa-dorable. Want to talk yourself in awkward circles cuz you're embaressed? Hil-arious.
Then he left and I have have a tendency to stare at the passenger seat and wonder where is he? It just seems natural that he's always supposed to be there, so why is he always gone?
2. Tuesday - Barack Obama got elect. I cried like a baby. Democrats got the Senate, Gubenetorial and House. I will do this only once to Bear & Chad for payback for the past eight years... "How you like dem apples!!!!!!???!!!" *sticks out tongue*
3. Tuesday - Prop 8 passed and I was supremely disappointed that on a day we overcame such predujice and ignorance from the past, we just kept going on the same damn path of inequality. Oh yes, two adult tax-paying citizens who love each other can't get married because religions say its wrong even though we have seperation of church and state. Sigh.
4. Wednesday - I moved out of my parents house! Yay! Finally! No more futon lovin' when Nick comes into town. No more of my mom's snoring when I am trying to go to bed! No more mom waking me up clanging dishes in the morning! Whheeee!

I think that is all...

Impatience

Nick comes in today, today, today! I seriously have no idea how I am going to sit still much less concentrate at work today. I haven't seen him in two months and he's here in less than 12 hours!!!

Of course...

Today was the first day I was really able to ride my scooter around instead of my car. I know that doesn't make much sense since I have had the thing for 2.5 weeks now but it's true. Pretty much I have only ridden it to my dad's house just to get used to driving it and then I have ridden it to work twice to commute. But the whole reason I bought the thing was to help me do all my around town driving. I live in an area with a lot of stop signs, pedestrians and traffic lights all of which are killer on my Jeep gas mileage. So I bought my pretty scooter to drive around and help me with errands and visiting friends.

Anyway, like I was saying, today was the first day I really got to experience the scooter for what I bought it for. Happy little errands around town. As I was scooting I was thinking about how I was going to get home and write this blog that I am currently writing right now, which is pathetic but I don't care. I wanted to write it because I wanted to share my joy. The joy of my bright orange scarf whipping in the wind behind me. The joy of people stopping to talk to me at stoplights and ask me about my scooter. The joy of the nods I get from motorcyclists who don't realize I am actually only driving a 150cc scooter. The joy of just being on a bright orange thing that is brand new and completely bought by me with no help from any other parties. It's the first thing I have ever really owned and gotten for myself completely with no help. It makes me smile just to ride around in traffic!

Anyway, as I was driving around town and thinking about taking pictures of me with the scooter and what kind of quippy descriptions I was going to put on my photos... it happened. I'm parked at a stop sign and some BIG ass truck makes a three point turn. They don't see me. I freeze. Since I've only had the thing for 2 weeks my hand can't find the horn. Big ass truck hits me and plows me and my scooter over. The scooter dumps to the ground, I go rolling a few times and then hit a guardrail. As I am falling all I can think of is, "NOOO! Not the brand new scooter!" I get up and imediately start crying because that's who I am: a big fat crier. I just was so terrified and so instantly aware of the fact that my new shiny, less than 100 miles toy that I was so happy with all day was not going to escape this incident unscathed. Luckily I wasn't hurt, only a minor knee scrape. The scooter fared well too. Basically a few big scratches along the side that dumped, which the other driver will pay for.

In the end it's all going to work out. I wasn't hurt, the scooter will be taken care of. But damn if I didn't cry big fatty tears all the way home knowing my scooter joy bubble had been so violently popped. :*-(

It's time to be a big girl

I've decided to finally move out of my parent's respective homes. I am too cramped at my mom's, seeing as we share a room which is really awkward when Nick comes to visit. And my Dad and Kathleen have strongly hinted that unless I am pumping out some grandkids (seriously, their words, not mine) they would rather have me move out.
PLUS I would really like my own space, my urges to "nest" are getting out of control. I mean seriously, don't even let me walk through a Bed, Bath & Beyond because I will probably faint from desire to decorate.
Surprisingly I can get a nice room + utilities in a good location in Santa Cruz for around $700/mo. So that completely works in my budget and I am completely stoked on that.

Target move out date: Dec 1st
Current Furniture: bed frame, dining table and chairs, privacy screen, coffee table, two dressers, a kitchen/cooking stuff, tableware set & possibly a desk
Furniture Needs: mattress, couch, bookcases, computer chair

A slightly depressing week.

Yesterday I had the good fortune to have the day off. My brother was in town and I had a few friends that were free, so it was shaping up to be an awesome day. Except what usually happens, happened.
I hung out with my friends Zach and he made fun of how annoying I am and how he didn't really want me around. Kidding of course.
I had lunch with my parents and they made jokes about how annoying I am and how they want me to move out. Kidding of course.
Then I hung out with my brother and friends and they made jokes about how annoying and stupid I am and how they didn't really want me around. Kidding of course.

The thing is, this sort of thing doesn't really bother me because everyone kids around and I can take a joke. I'd also like to think I can throw down a good "zinger" now and then. But the thing is if someone were to follow me around to all my different friend groups, my family and my work you would probably see that everyone makes jokes about how annoying I am and that they can barely just tolerate me. And when you put different groups doing the same thing together in one day, a person can begin to feel a little bit annoying and unwanted.

So today is my depressed day. Where all the attributes I fear about my personality (my stories aren't funny they're just weird, I am a grating person, that no one really likes having me around and I just keep showing up so they just keep tolerating me) I just accept as truth. At least for today. Tomorrow I will probably feel a lot better and try to forget about it.

So for today I apologize. And I apologize for all those times where I've said things that make people cringe because I don't know where the "line" is. I really don't want to make people feel uncomfortable, most times I am just trying to say something ridiculous to make people laugh. I am sorry for any other aspects that I try to control but sometimes slip out and make people look at me like I am crazy. I will try to improve!

Tomorrow they're will be no apologies though, because try as I might I have the memory of a goldfish and always forget to not be crazy.