Things My Mom Never Told Me That May Have Screwed Me Up...

There are several things that I feel every kid hears growing up from their mom. Not so much me. Mom says she didn't think they were important...

1. Make your bed every day
2. Wash behind your ears
3. Wash your lady parts (don't worry, I figured that one out myself)
4. Don't talk to strangers
5. It's impolite to scratch yourself in public
6. Write "Thank You" cards
7. Don't interrupt people when they're talking

Things That May Have Been Unconventional That My Mom DID Tell Me

1. Sex is the best thing ever
2. Smoking pot every once in a while won't kill you
3. You don't have to finish your plate or eat food you don't want to
4. You have large calves, and maybe shouldn't wear short dresses
5. Be as crazy as you want
6. Say what you want
7. Waiting for a man to do something for you is ridiculous
8. Always have enough money to escape
9. You don't have to apologize for being who you are and doing what you want
10. Marry a man who can fix things
11. You're my favorite kid